Friday, September 5, 2014

Today 9/5...I am writing about hard stuff

I have heard this song a million times and sing to it , LOUD even though it was totally overplayed...But today I had a few uninterrupted minutes (ok so I was basement where I knew they won't look for a minute) and this song hit me like a ton of bricks! READ the words/imagine the words...you are going to want to sing them and think oh yeah this song...BUT REALLY READ THE WORDS...
I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're in independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...

"Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone"

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

The song is by Sanctus Real..it was OVER played but it came up on Pandora so I listened. All the sudden all my children's faces flashed in front of me...AND I got real overwhelmed (LIKE I almost have a basketball team nervous) and look at my life and it is just how I pictured it. The really strong spiritual husband who I thinks leads us well...like really well! Lots of cute kids...hair messy and athletic clothes and not the ute ruffle pants I imagined (Mackey), missing shoes and carrying a silky lingerie nightgown(Neeley), the new addition who speaks no English(Shepherd), the child who Loves really BIG but is nasty on a soccer field(Kirby), and one more who is brilliant and funny and ASKS LOTS of questions (Paxton). AND THEN....I get really overwhelmed when I hear this song and I realize THEY NEED ME TO LEAD THEM, all of them!! Not like get good schooling, not like make sure they have the best friends and are cool, not like make sure they are signed up for a million activities with the best coaches but like REALLY lead them in the important stuff. They are innocent and not independent!!! They need me and my husband to lead them spiritually. And let;s be honest life gets in the way. Activities get in the way. The fact that there is a million of them and no time. My PRIDE gets in the way...my desires to love things of the world gets in the way. 
Just when I think I am doing good. I have the memory verse on the board (that I actually remembered to change this week, I put a bible verse in their lunch box (score one for me), and prayed with them on the way to school (when I actually got up and took them-normally the hubby takes them). Tell me how can you not feel down when you feel like you yelled all week, you didn't change the memory board, you let them listen to a conversation where you were gossiping. LIFE and raising children that love the LORD is HARD. BUT it is REALLY important...it's commanded. So basically today I needed to be quiet, listen to this song and see my kids faces all innocent (which is a different innocent face not the one right after they pulled all the legos out) flash in front of me so that I could think about the fact that while I cannot beat myself up... I can make sure that I am getting the biblical strength to be everything that I am called to be for them. It requires discipline! It requires me personally to set aside time for quiet times. That might look like quick devotion like Jesus Calling but it needs to sometimes look like a hard core devotion where I am squirming because I am either really uncomfortable or I am squealing because of something I read that gave me passion and fire for living a life worthy of THE CALLING. It may also look like me being extremely mindful of friendships our family engages in, conversations I have either on the phone or with people, music, television, and all the dang activities that we put our children in where I realize most weeks we didn't have one single night to just LOVE on each other that week!
I am not saying that I am doing any or all of this perfectly...what I am saying is that I hope that at sometime your children's innocent faces flash before you with a face that catches you off guard and you realize that their spiritual wellness is almost completely up to you to form, lead, and guide in these early years and you can't do that with out strong hands(and that is a metaphor). Good Luck team, go get 'em, let's make disciples of these precious children that God gave us to borrow.
I hope when all is said and done we have raised some God fearing, missional children that we can think "and you will know, I'm a glow with a smile on my face when I wonder what MAGIC you'll make of this place, of this town, of this world. You'll transform your surroundings! That spirit inside you is truly astounding" quoted from An awesome book of LOVE.

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